Loss and Faith

Anastasia wrote our fourth and final entry on chapters 10 and 11, and has included this memorial portrait of her grandfather that her uncle created. "It has Psalm 23 on it," she wrote. "My grandfather was a really important person in my life; he came from nothing and made something
for himself and his family. He didn't know how to read or write, but when it came to filling out applications for jobs, he made sure that someone filled them out correctly for him. He was a hard worker and I consider myself lucky to have had a grandfather like him. He taught me how to fish and play baseball. He was like a second father to me, and I
greatly miss him." As you read, I think you'll appreciate the comparisons she's drawn between the chapters and her own family experiences.

I wasn’t a very religious person. I had faith but I can count on one hand how many times I prayed in my whole life. But I distinctively remember praying a lot when I was twelve years old. It was the first week of September 1999, and I remember being called up to the office at school because my father was going to pick me up early. I didn’t know what for, but as I got to the office, I saw my other cousins waiting. It immediately hit us that something was wrong. As I sat down waiting for my father, my cousins and I all figured that it had to be our grandfather. He was in the hospital with pancreatic cancer, and he was dying. After waiting for what seem liked forever, my uncle was the one who actually picked us up from school. Then we headed off to the high school to pick up my older sister and cousins. As we all drove to the hospital, I remember my older sister and one of my cousins crying. I remember touching my necklace that had a cross on it, praying that my grandfather was okay and that it was just a misunderstanding.

We arrived at the hospital, and the whole family was there waiting and crying. I remember my sisters and I talking to our mom; she said that my grandfather didn’t have much time left and that we all needed to be together in his last minutes. We stayed at the hospital until nighttime; my grandfather was still alive when we left. We were taken home to rest and sleep. I remember that night getting on my knees and praying to God, asking him to keep my grandfather alive, asking him to make my grandfather healthy again and that if he did that, in return, I would be a nicer person, clean my room, listen to my parents, and do better in school. The next day, September 3^rd, 1999, my dad took me and my sisters back to the hospital. My grandfather was barely hanging on. His room was filled with my aunts, uncles, cousins, a doctor, and a priest. I remember listening to the priest saying a few prayers over my grandfather and blessing him with holy water. Then he said that it was his time to go, his journey on earth was done.

Awhile later, my grandfather died. All I saw around me was sadness and tears. Losing my grandfather was the biggest blow to my system that I ever had. I remember leaving the hospital and going home. I walked into my room and took off my necklace with the cross and placed it in my jewelry box. The day my grandfather died was the day I lost my faith in God.

For seven days my grandmother and aunts prayed the rosary till my grandfather was buried, a ritual when someone dies.

Two years later, September 11^th happened and just like Priscilla, I wondered where God was that day. They say God is all around us but it’s hard to imagine what God is doing when people are dying and planes are flying into buildings. I can relate to Priscilla when she felt that good things in her life are related to God. During this time my faith was not fully restored, but I agree with Suzanne when she said she saw God in all those people that were going to the scene trying to help. I saw God when America and the world united.

It’s been almost twelve years since my grandfather passed away and ten years since 9/11. I’m still not a religious person and I don’t attend church but I do believe that there is a higher power working around us. I don’t do the necessary rituals to be closer to God, like praying and going to church, because I figure that he’s God and he knows everything about me. I do keep a rosary in my car for protection, but I also understand that everything happens for a reason. That reason may not be to everyone’s liking but that is the way the world works.