Yes...you're seeing double. This is the author of our last entry on chapters 12 and 13, Evelyn (on the left), pictured with her twin sister, Kim (on the right), and their mother, Maryann. Evelyn shares some very personal connections to these chapters, and I believe you'll appreciate her insight.
My own fear of dying comes from losing my mother to cancer a few years ago. Before my mother passed away I had no real fears of dying. I was like Ranya, enjoying all aspects of life and “too eager to experience yet another full day” (p. 180). After my mother passed, I was very fearful of dying from the very same disease that took her. Although the fear is less intense than a few years ago, I am still questioning if I am going to have a long healthy life and if there is an afterlife. These questions came to me more often after my mother passed away; I wondered if she was in heaven/eternity.
What allayed my doubts of an afterlife was very similar to Suzanne’s experience of losing her sister. She explains that her sister loved giving massages and doing so was one way that she would comfort Suzanne. During a grief support group when Suzanne was at a very low point, her pastor gave her a shoulder massage. Suzanne later describes this experience as if her sister was there and only her sister could do this to perk up her spirits. I found this truly amazing because it was an act that was from a higher being. Only a higher being could emulate a very intimate act that only Suzanne’s sister did.
This then led me to remember an incident that I experienced fairly recently. After my mother passed away, I felt a lot of guilt about not being at the hospital much to visit her. This guilt had a large impact on my ability to accept her death and move forward. My experience with the higher being resulted in a dream I had of my mother. I had a dream of telling my mother I was sorry for not visiting her as much while she was in the hospital. In this dream it was different than others I had because after I had apologized to my mother and she forgave me, I felt such a sense of calmness and peace. And immediately I felt relieved that she forgave me; a huge weight was lifted off of my chest. In my dream I believe my mother was telling me it was ok, and that now I could begin the process of mourning her.
If it wasn’t for this dream, I wouldn’t be able to move on from my mother’s death, and I trust she knew this; her way of helping me in my time of need was through my dream. I don’t believe this all would be possible if there wasn’t a higher being, and this experience has confirmed for me that there is an afterlife and a God.
There is also the broader topic of faith, and it is focused on in the story of Ranya and Suzanne, and their contemplations and questions of their faith. Although I cannot relate to Suzanne and Ranya’s faith because I’m spiritual rather than religious, I can imagine what it would be like to be so devout in a religion and then question my faith. Even with their questions and curiosity, the three women still find connections between their religions. For example, when Ranya invited Suzanne and Priscilla to an interfaith Ramadan breakfast meal, Priscilla had an insightful moment; she was able to see what a godly man Imam Feisal was. I thought this was amazing – that she was able to be aware of this, given that she is not Muslim and yet she is able to see God in him.
I, too, loved what Priscilla said about seeing God in the Imam. Perhaps because I am more spiritual than religious, too, I have always been moved by getting to know people of varying faiths, and seeing how faith works in their lives - how they see God, and how they honor him.
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